Recoil in horror

After several weeks of discussion with Gareth, we decided that we would try the coil as a contraceptive. We have tried a plethora of other options but none seemed particulary satisfatory. For example, when I tried the pill I made Dexter seem quite social, but at least he was fictional. My poor husband had to put up with my precarious mood-swings and generally narky state for several years before we gave up on it!

So, this morning we trundled off to the doctors to have the coil fitted. I had done some research online concerning the procedure and I admit that I scared myself somewhat by the traumatic horror stories I read; the coil is a small T-shaped device that sits in the opening of the uterus, so the obvious direction of insertion is through the cervix, which is designed to let things out, not in, so you can imagine the kind of trauma people reported! However, once rational had re-established itself I realised that the majority of cases were pretty straight-forward if perhaps uncomfortable.

I should have been alerted at the presence of a trainee doctor, and especially more nervous that it would be she who performed the procedure. However, in my rather too trusting state (read "white-coat syndrone") I thought nothing of it. Once all the formalities were out the way (i.e. the health questions and feeling my uterus, of which the trainee asked "has anyone ever told you that your uterous tilts backwards?" Not quite sure if this was complimentary or not, I replied to the negtive) I proceeded to the strip-below-the-waist stage of the whole process. Fine, no worries so far. Then a trolley was wheeled over to the bed with an array of foot long instruments (including what looked like scissors)in their sterile wrapping. Hmmm. Feeling less confident now. I then lay back whilst they got things into position - I'll save you the details - and my confidence returned. Sure, a little uncomfortable, but no pain. Then came the biggest understatement I think I've ever heard: "This may pinch a little but it's the worst part." I began to identify two falicies with this statement quite quickly. The first was that the pinch was more like having a vicious little rat biting your cerix, and it sure as hell wasn't the worst part! As the trainee appeared to be having some problems in orientating herself, the clamp was removed and thankfully some anaesthetic was applied to the instrument before trying again. Now it just felt like a pinch! The process was quite lengthy, and I don't really know what the issue was, but there was still something not going quite right regarding the coils placement, so the trained doctor got involved and eventually managed to sort things out (although she to was having difficulty).
The main thing I do remember throughout all this is being rather embarrassed at my complete wussiness! At one point I felt quite heady like I was going to pass out.

Once it was all over, the doctor informed me that the coil is immediately effective. Too damn right! Because sure as Hell nothing else is going up there! I ended up phoning in sick for work, which I hate doing, but the cramping was atrocious and still keeps coming in waves despite loading up on painkillers. I think it was the right decision to call in sick - I felt like I was in a state of shock for the rest of the day.